MOTHER’S RECIPE (4)

Routine May Prove Fatal

Many parenting books tell you how to develop a routine, time management, and, in this day and age, multi-tasking (what an efficient sounding word). All of which might be very helpful but they can also prove fatal to joyful spontaneity and our relationships with our partners and children.

My happiest memories of motherhood are the times when I stepped out of the routine, forgot about time and focused on one simple task – enjoying simply being.

An elderly relative told me when I was a young mum – wash the dishes and make your bed and if you get nothing else done, don’t worry. If the dishes are done you feel you’ve accomplished something and your home feels tidier and after a long day it’s wonderful to climb into a made bed.

It was sound advice. So now, I have many memory snapshots from outside the routine - those days when I just stepped sideways from the norm.

Lying on a blanket under a tree – just baby and I – both naked (well we did live in the country on a property) watching clouds, massaging baby, both of us falling asleep – baby on my tummy.

Impromptu picnics in the back yard.

Splashing in puddles after storms.

Following an unknown walking track or road just to see where it went.

Having spontaneous water fights.

Sliding down grassy slopes on cardboard cartons.

Buying a decadent cream cake (a vast change from the organic home-baked everything) and picking the children up from school, heading for the forest and tearing our cake apart because we bought no knife and licking our fingers clean.

Going to the lake after school – just on whim – one winter’s afternoon instead of going straight home and jumping into the cold water for the heck of it. Running, laughing and hugging ourselves all the way back to the car because, not being a planned adventure, we had no towels.

Going for walks in pouring rain and coming home soaking wet, having hot chocolate and toast and hot baths to remove the chill.

There are more – lots of them – the beauty of childhood – my children allowing me to enjoy my child again. It doesn’t have to be anything great – it doesn’t have to cost a fortune – it is simply taking a different path for a moment – a deviation. It can be as simple as stopping what you are doing, grabbing a cuppa and sitting on the verandah with your child just to watch the rain falling. Afternoon is a magical time for watching the birds fly home and the world come to stillness – people coming home from work – street lights coming on. A moonlit walk is such an adventure because the world has changed. Walking past houses at night – getting glimpses through windows of other people’s lives – seeing the familiar things that make us different but all the same. Making a garden together – building houses for the fairies. It is all magical and these excursions out of the routine, the mundane, are shared adventures with our children and like any shared adventure they enrich our conversation, deepen our bonds. Too many rules, timetables and expectations rob our life of its colour.

But the really important thing is that in those moments of joyful spontaneity we are totally in the present – not worrying about paying bills or how we can better manage our time – no, we’re actually living fully with our children – laughing, breathing, playing – and, for that moment, aware of the joy of who we really are.

© Copyright : Gerry Hillier

Gerry Hillier