Honouring the Mother…the Blessing Way Ceremony

By Su Foster

In many ancient cultures, honouring the mother who is about to bring new life into the world is an important and sacred practice. In our culture, the acknowledgment of a woman’s sacred journey into motherhood tends to be over-looked, as there has been a real shift in focus from the mother to the baby. This is synonymous with the shift in our approach to birth, from the woman-centred models of midwifery care to the highly medicalised approach with the main focus on baby.

A friend confided in me that she felt disappointed after her baby shower, which had been a noisy, crowded and stressful event for her. She felt like something was missing. She had really wanted an opportunity to just connect with the other women. She was about to be initiated into motherhood and that’s what she wanted to celebrate. Of course we enjoy celebrating the baby, but it is also important to remember the needs of the woman as she prepares for the journey of labour and birth - the greatest physical and emotional challenge she may ever have encountered. Although the focus of birth may have changed, birth itself has not changed, and a mother still needs to be prepared emotionally and spiritually for her birthing experience and transition into motherhood. The Blessingway is a time for honouring, nurturing, loving, and supporting. It acknowledges the commitment involved in being a mother and gives the mother a time where she is simply able to receive. It generally focuses on the spiritual aspects of becoming a mother through symbolic gestures of love and support.

The Blessingway is a powerful way to assist in the mother’s preparation for birth. As the women sit in circle, other mothers present have the opportunity to share their experiences, and if the birthing woman has any worries she can express them in a safe setting and receive the support. The love and support that a woman receives in the Blessingway will give her assurance and inspiration to approach her birth journey with confidence and joy.

The first Blessingway I was invited to was a lovely experience. It was women only, a small number of very close and supportive friends, mostly mothers themselves. It was held at night and those of us with babies were able to gently put them to sleep in one of the bedrooms while everyone chatted in the living room. Everyone had bought a plate of yummy food and we shared a feast before we got started. It was a beautiful evening. We lit candles, sang songs, told stories and all made things together that the mother was able to draw strength from during her labour. I have been fortunate to attend many Blessingways since, and each one has been different and beautiful in its own way. That is the fantastic thing about our diverse culture, we are not trapped into any one dogmatic form of ceremony, we can design our own rituals to suit our own beliefs and desires.

Looking back to my first pregnancy, although I wasn’t aware of Blessingways at the time, I realised I had my own impromptu Blessingway. It was the summer solstice and the moon was almost full. A few friends happened to be over, so we decided to light a fire outside with a plan to sit around and play some music. One of the women suggested that they paint my very pregnant belly. Suddenly it seemed like we had reverted to our tribal archetypes. The men were outside building the fire, while the women all remained inside and painted my belly. After the beautiful artwork extending from my neck, encompassing my breasts and belly and going right down my thighs was complete, one friend spontaneously suggested that everyone should put their hands on my belly and make a wish for me and the baby. This was one of those moments that will always remain firmly etched in my memory. As each woman expressed her wish, my baby kicked at her hand. The first time it happened my friend gasped. Then it happened and second and a third time. We were all amazed. But it just confirmed for me that what we were doing was so right and perfectly meant to happen at this moment in time. We then went outside and I danced around the fire for most of the evening, while my partner played music with the guys.

Some would suggest that a Blessingway is definitely women’s business, that it is really a time for surrounding the mother with energy and love from other women. Indeed, any woman who has sat in circle with women will agree there is a special energy about a gathering of only women. And it is women, especially other mothers, who really have something to share with the woman about to give birth. However, there is no reason that a Blessingway could not be celebrated in a family setting, if that is what suits your situation. As we live out in the bush, we chose to have a family camp weekend at our place for my recent Blessingway. When everyone arrived we had a feast for lunch, then in the afternoon the women retreated to a quiet corner of the property while the men and kids went across the creek to play. As we women held our special ritual, we heard the men drumming in the distance. What a perfect soundtrack for our ceremony – the sound of several drums in unison reverberating across the valley against the backdrop of our children’s’ laughter and play…

Planning a Blessingway 

• It is a good idea if a close friend of the birthing woman can organise the ceremony on her behalf. Try to keep the invitation list to a reasonable number or the intimacy of the ceremony may be compromised.
• Think carefully about the space and prepare it well. An outdoor ceremony on the earth by the light of a fire is great, but if not possible an equally appealing space can be created indoors. Use candles and music to enhance the space if you desire. Incense or a smudge stick of sage or lavender can be burnt to clear any negative energy from the space beforehand, or as part of the opening ritual.
• Of course feasting is a very important part of the celebration. Ask everyone to bring a plate of food to share. This eases the catering burden and usually results in a fantastic spread. o Don’t allow the mother to do any of the food preparation, washing up or other house duties! This is her time to relax and allow others to serve her.
• Open the ceremony in your preferred way – perhaps a welcoming, a thanksgiving, a casting of the circle, an acknowledgment, or a chant. o If you wish, include symbols of the elements in your ceremony eg a candle for fire, a crystal for earth, a feather for air and a bowl with floating flowers for water.
• Sit in a circle on the ground, as is the basic configuration in most traditional ceremonial practices. Make sure the pregnant mother is comfortable, providing her with cushions or whatever she needs.

There are many ways to celebrate and nurture the new mother at her Blessingway. You may wish to incorporate some of these ideas or invent your own….

• Take it in turns around the circle to say a blessing for the birthing woman
• Make a garland for her hair
• Read poetry or share stories
• Give her small gifts
• Paint her with henna or ochre
• Play music or sing songs
• Make a plaster belly cast
• Paint a picture together
• Stitch a quilt together each woman bringing a fabric to contribute – a birthing blanket or a baby rug
• Belly dance! This form of dance was originally developed by women to show labouring women how to move the baby out
• Give her a massage, a foot bath, a facial, reiki or other pampering/healing treatments
• Make a blessing bracelet – each woman bringing a meaningful bead to add
• Connect all women together in circle by wrapping red cord around each woman’s wrist – as a symbol of our unity and strength. At the end, you cut the bonds, but leave the wristbands on until the child has been born. Each time the women see the band on their wrist they will be reminded of the birthing mother.
• Each woman can take a candle home from the ceremony and light it when she hears that labour has started. The mother’s awareness of the lit candles will give her strength
• Make a wishing cord – pass a cord/rope/scarf around the circle. Each woman makes a wish for the mother as she ties a knot in the cord – she is weaving her intention into the cord. The cord is passed back to the mother to keep. 
• Ask everyone to bring items to make a birthing totem/walking stick. Choose a nice piece of wood and everyone can add their feathers, crystals, paint, charms etc (I know someone who found this to be a great source of power during labour)
• Post birth support – at the blessing way ceremony make a ‘support roster’ including all the women present, for bringing meals to the new mother following the birth. Each woman brings one meal (ensuring the ingredients are breast feeding friendly) and helps out in any way she can when she drops it off – eg dishwashing, nappy washing etc… this support is invaluable for the new mum.

As we continue to celebrate and nurture our birthing mothers with the Blessingway ceremony, it is my hope it will become more common practice in our society. May the Blessingway help women to reclaim birth as a rite of passage into the next stage of our lives – an event to be revered and cherished. When we honour our birthing mothers as they should be, they realise the sacredness of their journey and are empowered to undertake that journey with strength, inspired and supported by the love of their dearest friends.

First printed in Down to Birth Magazine Winter 2005

Su Foster