I have been a mother for a long time now. Long enough to become a grandmother several times over. I’m not unique – there are millions of us. I’ve raised enough children to know the preciousness of each, that no two are the same and yet they all require the same basic recipe for a good life and I’ll share that recipe with you although you probably already know it.

I had my first child when I was little more than a child myself. I never read any books on raising children – it was something I wanted to do – I wanted to be a mother – that journey of parenthood. I had ideals of course. I knew I wanted a natural lifestyle of my children – wherever possible free from chemicals and pollution. I knew I wanted to encourage their creativity – watch them grow and learn. I knew I wanted to be the perfect parent. And so I milked goats, made bread, cheese and butter, grew organic gardens, made playdough and fingerpaint, taught them about herbs and flowers, relaxation and visualization, read stories, tried my best to explain, reason and instruct. But I still wasn’t the perfect parent because there is no such thing. I still had times of frustration, tiredness, of feeling inadequate, of uncertainty. I made mistakes. I raised children who I love and respect and of whom I’m proud. I did not raise perfect  children who grew into perfect adults. But lets start at the beginning – with the recipe.

STEP 1        Take one new born baby

                       Hold him or her in your arms and look carefully

STEP 2        Place all preconceptions you may have concerning this infant in a bowl, cov and leave to one side

STEP 3         Look for three things

                       You should be able to see eternity in the eyes of the child

            You should be able to see (if you have made sure you have placed all preconceptions aside) perfection

                        And you should be able to see a miracle

                   Having attested to these three points you may already realize that what you have before you is on a journey of his or her own. Their journey may be part of yours for some time but he or she is certainly on their own path of discovery. If you have realized this fact then that makes the recipe much easier to understand because the ingredients you add are very important.

STEP 4        The first of these ingredients is the basis of your recipe and that is love so begin to mix in a steady flow of love. Please don’t think you have to manufacture this love – it exists of its own accord – you simply have to allow it. Love is one of those ingredients that you don’t have to place limits on – you can never have too much. Just make sure you’re using pure, one hundred percent organic, undiluted love. Here is how you test it. Real love is soft and joyful to touch. Manufactured, processed love tends to feel stale and tinged with conditions.

STEP 5           If at any stage you feel your flow of love is impeded close your eyes and         repeat Step 2 & 3.

STEP 6        Slowly begin to stir in your next ingredients – interest and understanding. Stay interested throughout the entire process. You may find this is so easy in the beginning – in fact it may seem more like absorption or even obsession. However after you’ve been mixing ingredients for a while and tiredness sets in, it’s hard to stay focused – hang in there. If you find you’re losing it repeat Step 5 often.

STEP 7          Once you’ve got the hang of maintaining a steady flow of these ingredients, remember that you have a life that is separate from your child. You have a recipe of your own and there are some ingredients from your life that are best kept separate from your those of your child. This is where juggling begins. Maintain a steady stream of love of self and self-interest. Now you’re doing two recipes at the same time – well done!

STEP 8        You’ll find there is one ingredient that you can borrow from each other and that is joy. Watch how often your young child smiles and laughs – see if you can match it and keep that laughter alive for both of you.

STEP 9      You’ll notice your mixture of love, interest, understanding and joy is very smooth but don’t be alarmed if you see some lumpy bits starting to form. This usually means your child is developing their own will and making their own recipes and it may be necessary for you to go back to Step 5 again and again. The important thing is don’t worry – will is good and it brings us to the next ingredient.

STEP 10      Discipline. Now some people think this is an unnecessary ingredient and they omit some of it or all of it or they only put in a little bit when they feel like it. This is because they do not understand what it is. Discipline will only work in conjunction with the previous ingredients. Discipline is simply allowing your child to have a full understanding of choice and consequence but be careful – this is where your recipe can go belly up. If you administer discipline without any of the previous ingredients you could be in trouble. If you substitute other inferior ingredients such as anger, frustration, criticism, bribery, blackmail etc etc at the same time as you discipline, you negate the effects of this important ingredient and it becomes hard and bitter like punishment. So before you add this ingredient quickly do Step 5 again just to check where you are. Discipline is something you can use creatively and gently but more about that later.

So there you have it. Remember many cooks spoil their broth by being

                       inconsistent  – don’t forget to maintain steadiness.

There’s one last thing –

Example. No matter how good your recipe is, you have to set the example.

What you say is one thing – what you do is another.

Your child learns by imitation – explanation is secondary.

How you relate to others, to your environment, to the world will be the

example you set for your child. Your behaviour is what they will emulate.

If you walk your path with love and empathy, with honesty and integrity, with joyful playfulness, with inner stillness and contentment – your child will follow that example.

Being human you will make mistakes. You will be wrong sometimes. You will succumb to negative feelings however briefly. Just don’t hide your human frailties from your children. If they see your honest endeavours to deal with your own life experiences, they will learn how to deal with theirs.

Stay tuned for part 2, in the Apr/June 07 Angelmothers EZine Newsletter

© G. Hillier

Gerry Hillier